Followup to Surfwise post

Wow. I am happy to report that after watching the film, I still feel the good feeling from it that the concept and interview originally brought, albeit for the nasty beating topic 50 minutes into the movie. Not everyone is a perfect parent. Remember he was raised in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” generation and almost all parents of that era felt it was perfectly normal to spank children. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am totally against any type of physical discipline. I think it is unnecessary and just plain mean. But I am aware that it was very common to discipline your children in that manner just not too long ago and still is in many households.

I still do think that the dad (or “Dorian”) had very intelligent ideas and was trying hard to raise his children in a happy healthy environment. Children thrive on activity like that. They are constantly wanting to play with others and their parents. I can’t imagine having nine children, especially a group of mostly rambunctious boys, all living in small camper without some serious discipline involved somehow to make sure and keep the peace within the family. In one part of the movie it is mentioned someone may have thrown mud or “started a fire” in the bathroom and needed discipline. Now I absolutely disagree with the oldest brother being given that responsibility. That is completely wrong and he should not have been told to do anything like that. He does not deserve the guilt he suffers now or the anger from his younger siblings from doing that as his father should never have made him responsible for that in the first place. But again, if you have a son who is starting a fire in the bathroom, there is some serious discipline that needs to be undertaken for that kind of behavior.

In such tight quarters, there may have been just some authority having to be asserted in just the fact that Dorian may have felt angry “vibes” coming from different children at different times that he had to keep control of, so as not to affect the rest of the children. Please show me an example of a large household of nine children, mostly boys, in which all of them have grown up completely mentally healthy, happy and prosperous. I think it would be difficult to find!

I was touched to see two of the older men working in the surf camp sitting so closely together while talking to the cameraman. How often do you see such closeness and togetherness between any brothers?

I was angered by the fact that one clip from the movie was left out and was seen only in the extras on the DVD. This is of Adam talking about their childhood and how children from “Anytown” America are having very similar problems as they are, whether or not they were raised in a “regular” home or not. This is very true and should have been left in the movie. This was a comment both my husband and I made to each other before we watched the extras and so I was glad to see that he was very aware of that fact himself. I myself know plenty of people who were raised in nice large American homes with all of the luxuries of current American society, with both parents in the home, who are perfectly discontent and went through high school drinking alcohol and taking drugs. I am a prime example of that myself actually. In a small trailer in constant contact with your parents, there definitely is more supervision even with children running around during the day. It is the working family with both parents gone from the home all day long that usually has problems with discipline and monitoring their child’s activity.

I do think that when the kids became older, a larger RV was in order. It is difficult to become a teenager as it is, and space is often needed as well as some privacy while you are trying to figure yourself out. I do agree with the boys that it would have been nice if they had some privacy so as not to experience their father’s healthy sexuality while needing to deal with their own growing needs.

However, I have to say I love the relationship between Juliette and Dorian and I think they are a perfect example of “soul mates.” Actually, I consider Juliette to be the heroine here and major source of love and peace in the family. Although dad had the ideas and kept the rule system it seems, Juliette seemed to be the one who kept the love, music and cuddling going in the family. I think she is awesome! – the ultimate in mother and wife. Many mothers would be drinking themselves silly (or rather, popping little yellow pills these days) with eight boys running around a full-sized house, much less a small camper.

I applaud this woman and her compassion and I lost it completely with tears rolling down my face when she was hugging her last of the nine children (Israel) who finally made it to the family gathering, she was so full of relief and comfort to have all of her children once again surrounding her. I know that feeling and I only have two!

What is sad is that Dorian’s wish to keep his family together was not successful in that they did part ways and have not maintained the togetherness ….

 

I found it irritating and generally unthoughtful that Dorian felt it was okay to talk about his education and yet not give them any, stating he wished they knew the difference between being wise and education, yet they didn’t have the opportunity to experience one of those so how are they to make that determination? Having made that decision for his family, he should have stood firm on his ideas about education and not boasted about his own education to them or anyone.

Isn’t it funny how there is always a sister (or some similar family member) who feels it necessary to give her input on how wrong your ways are and how she would do things correctly? I find Dorian’s sister’s opinions similarly obnoxious as instead of respecting her family member’s parenting decisions, she continually gives her own opinions on how they should have been raised and assumes she is right (or am I mixing in my own family experiences here?). That seems to be a common family dynamic.

I found there was discrepancy between his philosophy and his religious practices, but I just don’t have time for that now. That will have to be a whole new topic of discussion.

Jonathan Paskowitz and the movie documentary “Surfwise”

I recently saw Jonathan Paskowitz featured on Stephen Colbert’s “Colbert Report” in an interview about a documentary “Surfwise.” I was intrigued. This documentary is about a large family and a father who was a trained physician who decided to give up his career to raise his family living in a camper, traveling the country, surfing and actually living. The children did not attend school (it is common these days for parents to “home-school” their children) and the father felt it was more important to be wise to the ways of the world and nature than to be educated by the public school system – surf-”wise.”

Being a fellow beach-loving surfer, I was drawn to this idea and felt an instant understanding and kinship with this man who went with his convictions and raised his family how he saw fit, much to the dismay and probable disgust of the general public. Jonathan Paskowitz comes across on this interview as a very happy, nice and capable man. He seems to be happy with his life and how he was raised. However, when I later searched for signs of when this movie would be released, I found several comments regarding the movie even before it was out – comments which were, of course, the usual criticisms people seem to feel the need to give when a person chooses parenting which is out of the “norm” for general America.

For some reason, I find people tend to provide their opinion of how children should be raised regardless of the fact that no one seems to have perfected this craft. Many people provide opinions even when they have no children of their own. It is very easy to do this when you have not gone through the ups and downs of raising kids, learned the behavioral dynamics of the complicated relationships between parents and their own children as opposed to these same children and other unrelated adults.

Personally, I found that this man’s ideas were very intelligent. Keep in mind, I have not yet seen this movie. I am only going on what I heard from the interview. The movie is currently in my Netflix queue and I am anxiously awaiting its delivery.

I believe that people have, to date, not been totally successful in raising children within the public school system. I also believe the learning process is more complicated and requires individual attention. I do not think what is available in the public school system today is able to accommodate all of the intricacies of child development at each age and a more individualized approach is essential for some children. This man had a very large family and the children were able to play and socialize with each other.  He knew each of his children well and was able to teach them directly based on their abilities. They learned the ways of nature, love and life by surfing and swimming in the ocean, which is a very healthy and wonderful lesson in life. They learned to exist on just the basics, not needed all of the extra gadgets people have to have these days.

By surfing, you learn the power of the ocean waves, all of your senses are stimulated, you get to enjoy the absolute beauty of nature at its finest. Surfing makes you forget your worries and enjoy the moment. It is a healthy lifestyle with exercise which is also fun.

These children lived in a small camper with their entire family  (possibly a little too cramped for their tastes), but learned how to live closely together similar to how people lived in teepees - cozy with the ultimate display of family togetherness. The parents were obviously close and loved each other and the children were able to see that openly and honestly.  

I can’t wait to see this movie. I am hoping that I am not disappointed and that these children are happy adults raising their children in a similar manner and that many people learn from this movie. I will be sad if this movie ends up showing that this life lead to dysfunctional adults. I am hoping that this movie backs up my thoughts that his was a good idea.

I will post a follow up after I have seen the movie!